Visitors to England sometimes find the English “cold” and “formal”. When you get to know us, we are not cold at all, and as for being formal, we consider ourselves spontaneous (自然的) and natural! Affectation (造作) is not admired in England any more than it is elsewhere in the world¹. We do, however, have our customs, which we take for granted and think of as being “natural” to us. This culture has become “second nature”². Like everybody else, we inquire politely about people’s health, say we are glad to see them, and do our best to make them feel welcome and comfortable.
     You may be invited to afternoon tea in an English home. This meal is served sometime between 3.30 and 4.30 p.m. The meal will consist of tea poured from a teapot by your hostess. You may be offered the choice of Indian or Chinese tea. You will be offered milk and sugar or lemon. It is perfectly all right to refuse these additions and drink your tea “black”³. The food will consist of small sandwiches, biscuits, cake. (Remember the scene in Oscar Wilde’s The Importance of Being Earnest, where Cecily annoys Gwendolen by putting two unwanted lumps of sugar in her tea, and giving Gwendolen cake when she has distinctly asked for bread and butter. Gwendolen, in order to insult Cecily and make her feel inferior, says, “Cake is rarely served in the best houses nowadays.” This is nonsense: the irony here is that Gwendolen, a town-bred aristocrat with more style than money⁴, is trying to hurt the feelings of Cecily, the rich country girl. Wilde’s play is about how brutal (残忍的) the privileged (有特权的) echelons (等级) of society can be. To return to our tea. You may be seated round a table, or you may have to juggle (耍弄) your plate and cup and sauce on your lap⁵. Fortunately your lap will be protected by a table napkin. Small knives may be offered to cut the sandwiches, or to spread jam on bread or scones (a flour cake halfway between sweet cake and bread). The meal traditionally includes cake, either a fruit cake or perhaps cake with cream. As cream cakes are greasy (油腻的) to handle, you may be offered pastry-forks to deal with them. It is polite to leave by six o’clock in the evening after a tea-party.
     Sunday lunch is a family affair and if you are invited to share this meal you will be treated as one of the family. This is not a formal meal. Usually only two courses are served: a joint of roast meat and vegetables, and a fruit pie, or ice cream, followed by coffee. There may be a bottle of wine, or there may not. English food of the traditional kind is not highly seasoned, except with salt, pepper and mustard (芥末). When the ingredients are of good quality, the vegetables fresh, the excellence of plain English cookery may surprise you!
     The most formal occasion we have (apart from official functions, of course) is the dinner party. Generally, English people no longer “dress for dinner” in dinner jackets and long dresses, at home. It is quite usual to say, “What do we wear?” meaning “formal or informal dress?” The answer these days is almost always “Come as you are”, which means ordinary clothes. If in doubt, a lounge suit for a man and a day dress for a woman are never out of place⁶. Your hostess will probably be wearing a blouse and skirt or trousers, the men will most likely be casually dressed in sweaters. You will be invited (the time varies slightly) probably for “7.30 or 8”. You may arrive any time between 7.30 and 7.45. After that you are late! The idea is for you to sit and relax for a while, sipping a drink and perhaps nibbling (轻咬) nuts or crisps (土豆片) or olives (橄榄). Your hostess will keep disappearing into the kitchen⁷, while your host entertains you. It is not necessary to offer to help. Some people play music quietly when entertaining guests. You may be offered a choice of spirits (烈酒) to start, or a glass of sherry (雪利酒) or sometimes the wine you will be drinking later on. Many people do not drink alcohol for health reasons, or because they have to drive home, and ask for fruit juice or water instead. If you wish to smoke, it is usual to ask your hostess’s permission, which will be granted. Generally in England we do not smoke between courses (and at formal dinners nobody may smoke until the Queen’s health has been proposed at the end of the meal: this is called “the loyal toast”). As smoking is going out of fashion in England, you may not be offered cigarettes, so it is wise to bring your own. Ashtrays will be supplied. Spittoons (痰盂) are not, as public spitting is considered very bad form in England.
     When the meal is ready (at 8 or 8:30), the hostess will suggest everybody sits down at the table. Various knives, forks and spoons will be laid at each place, and perhaps more than one glass. No problem: just start at the outside and work inwards. Usually there will be three courses, perhaps four (at very grand dinners, up to ten may be served, but I am talking of middle-class professional and academic households). The first course may be salad, fish, eggs or soup. A meat course follows, with vegetables and either potatoes, rice or noodles (called in England by their Italian name, “pasta”). In my own home, we then serve cheese, as in France, because cheese goes well with wine. However, it is well known that cheese is not the treat for Chinese people it is for us⁸. Nobody will be offended if you refuse it: a neat way of getting out of eating a dish you dislike is to plead health reasons: “It doesn’t agree with me.” Everybody will be understanding. Then comes the sweet course, in English called the pudding (Americans call it “dessert”, but dessert is properly speaking fruit, nuts, chocolates, marzipan (杏仁蛋白软糖) sweetmeats eaten after the pudding, with coffee.) Not everybody likes coffee late at night: nobody will be surprised if you ask instead for tea. The party breaks up⁹ when the guests indicate a desire to go home: sometime between ten and midnight.
     When invited to an English home, it is not necessary to take a present, although a bottle of wine is usually acceptable at a dinner party. (One would not arrive at dinner with, say¹⁰, a Cabinet minister, bottle in hand: grand hosts would consider it unnecessary). A telephone call or short note saying thank you for the evening is appreciated, but again not strictly necessary.

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